Depression

Many of you must be thinking why the shit would I be blogging about depression when I'm a ' hehehaha ' person in and out . But if you people have noticed me well enough , recently , I dont ' heha ' that much .
Yes , I may be depressed . But no , I may not be depressed . I mean like , which patient with depression will say " Yes , I have depression "

depression

dɪˈprɛʃ(ə)n/

noun

1. 1.

   severe, typically prolonged, feelings of despondency and dejection.
2. "self-doubt creeps in and that swiftly turns to depression"
3. synonyms : melancholy , misery , sadness , unhappiness , sorrow , woe , gloomy , low spirits , discouragement , despair , moodless .

Well , I have been losing hopes nowadays . I'm moody , low spirits , lazy and no motivation at all . I mean like , what's wrong with me ? 

Friends ? No , I dont like them treating me for granted . No , I dont like them to attitude me whenever they like . I'm always like " WTF did I do ? " and like " WTF is wrong with you ? " Then my mood will just weeeeeeeeeeeeee to negative . Like what ? Hatred . Idek anymore .... 

I dont like myself being in such state . I just want to be happy . Is it that tough ? No right . I know I can be happy . I know I'm someone who can control myself . But my emotions just doesnt want to co-operate with me . Sighpizza . I gave up . Maybe just follow the flow will do . What is life . I dont know . People asked me why do I even work during the holidays and why do I even join volunteer works when I'm still schooling and busy enough . Yea , you wont understand why . I'm trying to make myself busy enough and to numb myself . It works . Really . Crying really doesnt solve everything . So what if you cried ? Afterall , you will still have to wipe your tears away , get yourself up and get yourself back to reality . At least keeping yourself busy enables you to gain somethings regardless it's worth or not . 

So yea ..... I'm just venting my emotions here . Cheers to all the readers . I'm fine 

So what if it's gloomy ? There's still a fade rainbow within it . Meaning there's still hope 

Buhbye readers . Stay happy . Love you guise <3